hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
