i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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