He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
