did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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