if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
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He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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