worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
