I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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