hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?