i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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