She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions