i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enjoy the penises
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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