I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize