I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
