why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later