I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose