when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
