He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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