Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
