So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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