if i can run in heels then i can drive
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
