I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
