I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
