I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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