There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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