Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
