gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
only you would photoshop your dick
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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