what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
