My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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