just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Randomize
