I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
