K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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