so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
3pm strippers are depressing
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
