bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
