She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
