Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Welp...herpes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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