Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
