Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
