dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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