This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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