If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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