Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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