Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
