you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
