we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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