If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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