My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
