I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
