possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
