nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
