Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
