i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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