Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
