I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
