if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
