oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
