Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and i looked up. we had an audience...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This baby is an asshole
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
