I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
