he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
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Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
how does that bad decision feel?
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