i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wear drunk well.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
