A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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