My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
