spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
