ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
