Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
