this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
