the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have fence marks all over my body
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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