Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I want to make a zoo with you.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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