i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
