we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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