did you get engaged???
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
