You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
sick fucks of a feather flock together
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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