my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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