Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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