It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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