This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
