Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
