my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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