If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
