watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
