my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize