Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
